


The Referendum

by InsertImaginativeNameHere



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:04:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4207203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertImaginativeNameHere/pseuds/InsertImaginativeNameHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slight crack. Drunk on his own Scottishness, Twelve attempts to vote in the Scottish Referendum, which was a thing that happened way back in 2014, I know, ancient history. Unfortunately, not being human rather disqualifies him and events unfold...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Referendum

**Author's Note:**

> This is possibly the oddest thing I've written in a while. My ex suggested it way back at the time but I never got around to it until now. I'm sorry it's mostly dialogue but hey, was fun to work on and I hope you guys enjoy it. AT LEAST IT'S NOT ANGST THIS TIME, RIGHT? 
> 
> ...right?

**18th September, 2014**

**The Scottish Referendum**

**Glasgow**

  


“No, I’m telling you, look, this says I can vote!”

 

“I- I’m sorry sir, but there’s nothing on that paper. It’s blank.”

 

Silence.

 

“I don’t believe it. Your brain’s too small for the psychic paper! Typical, that is. I get the one person here with no imagination!”

 

“We’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

 

A snort. “Yes _sir_.”

 

-

 

**Edinburgh**

“I’m sorry, you can’t just wander in here and start ranting about how Scottish you are, we understand you’re enthusiastic but this isn’t how it works…”

 

-

 

**Inverness**

“999, what’s your emergency?”

 

“Hello, yes, well, we need the police. There’s a man in the polling station and...well, he’s very cross. Terrifying eyebrows. He won’t stop shouting at us and I think we may need him to have him removed.” A muffled noise in the background, possibly a yell “Can you hurry up with that?”

 

-

 

**UNIT Headquarters.**

 

Kate Stewart was drinking her coffee when the call came through, that a man had been arrested breaking into a polling station, with the police sounding very unamused, primarily because the man had no identity whatsoever, didn’t exist, and the only records regarding this ‘Doctor John Smith’ were Classified, meaning they had to call UNIT. Something they were loathe to do, since as with any public service, they detested the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce and their interfering, especially if it looked like one of their people was going to get away with some crime.

 

“Look, hand him over to us and we’ll make sure he’s adequately punished,” Kate lied, knowing full well there was nothing she could do “He’s our problem. We’ll handle him,”

 

“Good. Because we don’t want him here anyway. He called us ‘silly little humans’. Who even says that? Like, like he’s not, human, you know what I’m saying?”

 

Of course she knew what they were saying. Bloody typical. Trust the Doctor to try and vote in the Scottish referendum, despite not being, you know, _Scottish_. Or human, for that matter. After careful consideration, Kate decided on a course of action.

 

“We’ll send someone over right away.” Hanging up, she searched through her contacts for the number and pressed dial. _Pick up, Clara. Please pick up._ At last, a voice could be heard on the other end. “Clara. It’s Kate Stewart, you remember, from UNIT? We met with-”

 

“The thing with the Zygons and Gallifrey? Yeah, I remember. Kind of busy right now…” a smashing noise. Muffled swearing. “Trying to make a Souffle. Failing. Again. Anyway, what’s this about?”

 

How to put it… _delicately._ “A certain Time Lord of mutual acquaintance tried to vote in the Scottish referendum. On three separate occasions, before they arrested him. I said we’d send someone to pick him up, but frankly, we’re busy dealing with...it’s classified, but anyway, we need you to go to Inverness and collect him.”

 

On the other end of the phone, Clara sighed. “Since he turned Scottish it’s really gone to his head. Ego the size of a planet, and all. You know how it is.”

 

“He’s regenerated again?” Clara made a confirmatory sound. “My dad warned me about this. You take your eye off him for one minute, he used to say, and the Doctor’ll be back with a completely different face. Anyway, will you do it?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Clara said, reluctantly “I guess the souffle will just have to wait.”

 

-

 

Outside a police station, a young woman and considerably older looking man were arguing. A casual observer would have noted the young woman was fit to explode with rage, while the man was taking offence at the entire situation.

 

“ _I was making a souffle!”_

“ _You’re terrible at making souffles!”_

“ _Yeah, and you tried to vote in the Scottish independence without being human!”_

“ _Look, in my defence, it seemed like a reasonable enough idea at the time…”_

 

_-_

 

“ _Out of interest, what did you try to vote for anyway?”_

“ _It doesn’t matter. I bobbed ahead and checked the results beforehand.”_

 

…

 

“ _You’re impossible.”_

“ _Look who’s talking!”_

 

_Laughter, from both parties._

 

“ _Chips?” suggested the renegade Time Lord known as the Doctor_

“ _Chips,” confirmed Miss Clara Oswald, and so they walked off together into the autumn night._

  
_**Fin.**_  


End file.
